What am I?

I am just wearing a mask.

and underneath that, another.

I am wearing enough masks to not leave room for anything else.

I am an onion.

I am a zombie.

I am a turd with gold finish, pretending to be worth something.

I am everyone

I am no one.

If it were a few degrees warmer it would be raining.

Placebo

A placebo doesn't work If you know it's a placebo.
Though if you told me today
what you told me before,
I would still believe you.

Because unlike the starch and sugar
"Mood Enhancers"
In the purple bottle
on the windowsill,

I just keep hoping
that one day
you won't give me a placebo.

Timid Children

Here you are.
In my book you're nothing but a pen and paper
Nothing here but a hundred pages
of hyperbolic rants
and fancy words that
do no justice
to your face
or what I think when I hear your name.

And it hurts me every time we talk
My brain says "no"
But my heart is screaming in my ear "PLEASE SAY SOMETHING.
For us.
For me."

No matter what I do
When those four words
prepare in the back of my throut
for the embark to you
I can't pull them out.
Can't coax them from their hiding spot
on the left side of my chest
right beside their mother.
You may never see the timid children
of my heart.

A Piece of Paper

Why are you so damn ugly
when you're on a
piece of paper?

Not that I expected
this to really be just
like a mirror.

nothing can capture you
no chords no words
no photograph

I guess I've got to live
with what I've got
I've got to live
with what I've got

But If I was him
I would have made the right decisions.
If I was him
I would have opened my mouth.

But if I was him
I would have never let you turn away
If I was him
But I'm not.

But I guess I've got to live
With what I've got
I've got to live with what I've got.

Why are you so damn ugly
when you're on a
piece of paper

I guess I've got to live,
Live with what I've got.

Dear Me

Dear Heart,
I'm sorry
I'm sorry for keeping you from them.
from holding them
from looking into their eyes and telling them everything.
Whether it be the ones we hardly know
The ones that change before our eyes
The ones that are too old for us anyway
The ones that dragged you around by your noose promising love
The ones that you turn away no matter how much they want you.
I'm sorry they had to be taken away from you.
I'm sorry you never got to try the things we saw in movies.
But to be honest...

you where always kind of a bitch
A fool who gets sucked into anyone who throws a smile our way.
a naive child who pastes her pictures on our walls and writes love letters we will never send.
You've no one to blame but yourself.

Dear Mind,

You are meager.
You are weak.
You are always the one to criticize.
Or tell me they aren't good enough the moment they change theirs.
You beat me up and leave me to die alone.
You tell me not to try because "It hasn't worked before, it wont work now"
You are my terrible adviser.
The one who makes all of my terrible decisions.
The one who refuses to change.
Fuck you.

Dear Penis,

Thank you.
Thank you for keeping your mouth shut.
If you spoke up like you know you want to
We would be farther up shit creek than ever before.
In more ways than one.
Thank you for keeping clean
Ignoring what you hate to ignore
Expressing restraint like I have never seen.
But don't get me wrong,
you have bad days too.
Just like the others.